Ten urgent preparations for Diablo 3! 

It’s release week and the end is almost upon us! As a last-minute emergency check-up I present to you: Ten urgent preparations for Diablo. This is my first top ten list and it was originally planned only for the Top Ten Tuesday but when I thought about a topic, I realised that there was nothing of more importance than tomorrow’s release. So I went with the ten most important preparations for your first day (of many) with Diablo 3. And here they come:

 

1 – Is your hardware running?

Without a working PC there will be no Diablo. So check again! I almost didn’t realise that my graphic card was broken: Only when I finally got into the beta two weeks ago (after I had already given up on it) I discovered that my GPU was broken and I couldn’t play at all. Imagine that happening to you on the fifteenth!

2 – Did you call in sick?

Fake the flu, take a vacation or just quit your job – any time off will do. If you’re working you will not be able to become the first level 60 character. Or to play up to that level at all!

3 –  Has your game arrived yet?

As long as you do not have a physical copy in your hand or a digital one preloaded (though I bet you want the fancy box) the order can still get dropped. Delivery cars have reportedly been involved in accidents, robbed and spontaneously combusted on launching days. Plus, there is no pirating of online games anyway, so just make sure you get your copy ready in time!

4 – Supplies!

Soda, pizza, chips – all part of the elementary food group of gaming. Make sure you have enough of them close at hand. Preferably right next to your chair so you don’t have to leave the game to power yourself up! And never forget: a healthy diet (with loads of caffeine) is crucial for the success of any extended gaming session!

5 – Be unavailable

Tell that you must go on a business trip, had emergency surgery or recently started voluntary work in Africa. It doesn’t matter as long as you don’t tell those pesky non gamers that you are busy playing a game online. Believe me, they just won’t get it! Someone will always be bothering you with silly matters like people going into labor, a household fire or any form of unnecessary sexual desire.

6 – Get a back-up Internet line!

Have you ever tried to play one of the newer Blizzard games offline? The fun part doesn’t work! So in case of a code red – what are another twenty euros a month for the extra safety you will get.

7 –  Get focused!

For the next couple of days your eminent life goal is clear: to play as much as possible. But are you up to the task? Many aspiring gamers have lost themselves to the weakness of their own mind! You start pumped for the new experience, eager to reach the next level but after two hours and 4000 calories worth of sugar, you just pass out inside your way too comfortable chair. The only known countermeasures include regular exercise (not really possible in front of a PC), a healthy diet (which as a gamer you will be already following of course) and meditation. So I recommend you start practicing the latter. Just pick a random religion or something!

8 – Choose a class!

You really don’t want to get online only to be watching the character creation screen for an hour while everyone else is starting to play. So choose now!

9 – Do not fuck up on battle.net!

I know it’s hard – you are ready and you want to play. But somehow the login servers are denying you access, the last patch won’t load and the game doesn’t install! Maintain order, at least at the outside. The last thing you want is to get your account banned just because your beautiful and articulated personal assault (to everyone working at Blizzard) actually insulted someone!

10 – Stay sober

Of course I am not talking about alcohol, silly! Beer and gaming is a match made in heaven. The most  important thing I have to tell you is: rest and take one last good night of sleep. Don’t waste yourself on inferior games today! I know you want to play just one more game of League of Legends – but believe me the time you cut out of tomorrow will never come back!

So that’s everything you need to know for tonight. Stay strong and we will roam the servers until our eyes bleed and our social contacts wither! If you have any last words before you step down the path onto oblivion – let me know in the comments.

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